


Parched

by mushi6618



Series: Cupid's Love Juice [3]
Category: Beetlejuice (TV 1989)
Genre: Adult Content, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bad Puns, Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Claire Is A Mean Girl, Claire's EXCESSIVE Use Of The Word Like, Claire-centric, Claires Excessive Use Of The Word Like, Comedy, Complicated Relationships, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Dating, Don't Read This, Established Relationship, Eviction, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Existential Crisis, F/M, Family History, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Fire Powers, Getting to Know Each Other, Held Down, Historical References, How Do You Even Write Donny, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, Like, Making Out, Marriage Proposal, Morbid Slice Of Life, Moving In Together, Moving On, Neitherworld, Non-Human Humanoid Society, Oh My God, Older Man/Younger Woman, Opposites Attract, Past Character Death, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Puns & Word Play, Romantic Friendship, Seduction, Sex Talk, Short One Shot, Showers, Sweet/Hot, Talking To Dead People, Virginity, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Weirdness, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 23:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15895935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushi6618/pseuds/mushi6618
Summary: A year after the events in Don Brewing, Claire Brewster is finally feeling the effects of being dead, coming to her own conclusions about her “life”, and dating Donny while trying to take their relationship to a new level. Donny, on the other hand, wants so much more than physical intimacy but at the price of sharing his “life” with her, he’d rather see how loose he’d let morals go.





	Parched

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own Beetlejuice, and I certainly don’t make any money off of this.
> 
> Set after "Don Brewing" and mentions the contract Lydia made with Beetlejuice in "The First Year".
> 
> ***I should probably warn you that this is... not actually complete. I posted what had written for this story ...so yeah, it might completely change one day (length-wise not content-wise).

* * *

…

"Like, Beetledork!"

Beetlejuice let out a long annoyed groan. "What now, Bruiser?" He turned his attention from the monster movie to glare.

"What is like, this?" Claire held out a yellowed slip of paper towards the peeved poltergeist. 

"Huh, looks like an eviction notice." He snorted. "Ya shoulda listened when I told ya ta stop usin' Mr. Crumbs bathroom."

"Powers That Be... he like, doesn't even un-live here and I am like, NOT using the communal toilet. Like, thank you very much!"

"Yeah, well that's the _one_  an only condition that can get a ghoul kicked out of this joint - an ya broke it." 

"I'm like, surprised you never tired to." Claire squinted at him; sure in her reasoning that Beetlejuice had done the same but somehow gotten away with it.

"HA! Right, an use it fer what? Personal hygiene ain't my M.O." He smiled wide revealing all of his rotten teeth.

"Half the Neitherworld like, knows that Beetlejuice."

"Congrats, Doll-face, ya figured me out, now if you'll excuse me I'll be gettin' back to my programs."

"Gee like, thanks for the help, _Old Man_." Claire crushed the paper in her hand, catching it on fire with her Heat. "I'm going to like, call Lydia."

"Oi, I ain't no-" Beetlejuice paused & actaully thought about it. "...I ain't _THAT_ old." Huffing in anoyance he crossed his arms and sunk into the couch.

Both ghosts were left feeling frustrated.

...

“Like, Powers That Be Lydia, you just like, don’t understand.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

"I'm getting like, kicked out of the _Roadhouse._  Where _Beetlejuice_ un-lives. In Worm Wood the most boring neighborhood in the entire Neitherworld!"

"I get your point, Claire."

"I'm like, glad someone does!" She scoffed. "I can't find a place like, anywhere! I mean like, who knew that property values in the Neitherworld would be like, this sparse!"

"There are a lot of dead people in the Neitherworld Claire, it makes sense." ' _My dad will love it there._ ' Lydia thought morbidly. 

"Ha, thats like, the only thing that makes sense." Claire shook her head, annoyed. "And you're boyfriend has like, not been _any_ help!"

"Thats not surprising either." Lydia said wthout looking at the mirror.

"Like, what are you working on?" Claire asked from her side.

"Oh, just my valedictorian speach for graduation - which I _seriously_ need to get ready for!"

"Ah, right like, I forgot you wanna fix animals & stuff." 

"Correct!" Lydia annouced as she got up and put on her graduation gown. "I'm getting a collection of these things!" She laughed. "One from our High School Graduation, my first college graduation, and now this!"

"Wow like, overachiever much?" Claire said sounding like her old bully-self and crossed her arms.

"Well Claire not all of us could afford to stay in college for seven years."

"I like, did stuff." She shot Lydia a look. "I organized the fraternities, took several fashion classes - including the one about history - and I was even going start my own line of cosmetics for dogs!"

"Oh, so that was why you were in taking classes at the Veterinarian College." Lydia sat back down at the mirror.

"Duh." 

Lydia was sure if Claire had chewing gum now would have been the time she'd pop it. She smiled at the girl who'd warmed up ( _excuse the pun_ ) and had become a rather ...interesting friend. However, every once in a while Claire would revert back to her bulling ways. So it was time to change the subject. 

"Anyway, how are things with Donny?"

“Uuuhhh... I don't know..." Claire looked even more frustrated. "He like, just won’t … _do it_."

“Claire, you know there’s more to a relationship than intimacy right?”

“I know that but like, I just don’t understand _why?_ ”

“Maybe it has something to do with his personal beliefs?”

“Or could just be like, the Juice family has something about marriage.”

“That’s not very nice Claire.”

“Yeah like, whatever.”

“Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“Yes! I was so surprised when Beetlebutt said he’s still a virgin.”

“I meant your boyfriend, not mine.”

“Well like, it’s not like, a **bad** thing! Like, you are a virgin but I mean like, I um, I like, didn’t mean it that way? O.P.T.B… I’m such a flake!”

“Claire it’s all right. I’m… fine. What happened between me & Beetlejuice was necessary, when I met him I was only 13 at the time – and trust me, he wasn’t the same ghost we know now. I _needed_ that contract.”

“But aren’t you ever frustrated?” In a way she felt sorry for Lydia, the girl had to deal with Beetlejuice but that was beside the point, as much as the poltergeist was an idiot he did love the girl.

“Of course, but just because we're dating doesn’t mean we have to be intimate. I love Beetlejuice and he knows it. “

“You better like, be careful. You just like, need to say his name one more time.”

“You're right, I need to wait till I get to the college to call him.” Lydia laughed. “Claire, you just have to take these steps one day at a time.”

“One day at a time…” Claire repeated. “Like, I guess I’ll just have to deal.”

“Just don’t _force_ the issue. Oh! I heard that your parents elected a statue for you! I’ll send you the pictures when they get developed. Your death has really helped improve safety regulations!”

“Ah… like, …Totally Fab.” Claire laughed weakly, feigning excitement.

“ _Oh no_ , POWERS THAT BE! Claire, I have to go, _NOW_! I’m going to be late for my graduation!" Lydia grabbed her speech  & hat. "Heh, four years of veterinary school, you know I hated it!”

“Like, yeah… go have fun! I’ll like, see you around!” The mirror fogged over and Claire slumped against the wall next to it. “Like, why is it I did better for the world AFTER I died…” Sitting back in her chair the mopey blonde wondered what her lot life would’ve been had she not died?

Then the thought really hit her:

She was dead.

Claire wasn’t usually _this_ slow to the draw, but it finally dawned on her that she was dead. Physically dead, _buried in the ground dead_ , and was still able to remember the Realworld. Too bad she was no longer active in it. Her parents had moved on… she started hyperventilating. The air around her became too hot. She tried to cool off, picturing whatever she could: herself, her family, and the things that made her happy.

Nothing worked till she finally thought of Donny. Closing her eyes, she pictured him as clearly as she could and in the next instant, she found herself traveling through the air. A comical ‘popping’ noise later and she landed on the floor of her boyfriend’s apartment.

…

Donny had been showering when he heard a thud in his un-living room. Grabbing a plunger & wrapping a towel around body, covering his chest for modesty, he slowly opened his bathroom door. Sticking the plunger outside Donny waved his “weapon” menacingly at the figure slowly getting up from the floor.

“I a-am armed and unless you w-want to be _plunged_ into s-submission I would suggest l-leaving now!” He stated; voice jittery.

“Wow Donny like, what are you going to do? I’m already dead.”

“Oh my, Miss Claire! W-What are you doing here? Goodness, I’m mostly…” Donny looked down and grabbed a hold of this towel.

“Wait! Donny, I can’t like- _please don’t go_!”

“Miss Claire, are you all right?” Donny dropped the plunger finally noticing that Claire’s eyes were bright red like she’d been crying. Temporarily forgetting he was only wearing a towel Donny went over and maneuvered Claire to the couch.

“I… I-I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine – I mean you look _fine_ , but you look emotionally traumatized.” He took her hand an sat down with her.

“Donny like… I’m **_dead_**.”

“Of course your dead, if not you wouldn’t be in the Neitherworld.”

“No, I know that, but I’m like actually **_dead_**.” Claire's eyes shifted from his to look at his coffee table, deep in thought.

“Ah, I see things are becoming …real for you.”

“I like, guess so…” She shrugged.

“Well, no one ever really gets over their death, Miss Claire. Gosh, I’ve been dead nearly 700 years and I still wake up with night terrors.” Donny shifted, uncomfortable, he disliked thinking back on his time in the living world.

“700 years! Is that like, how old you are?”

“It’s not exactly 700 …I lost count a little bit. Beetlejuice has the current number, you see, he’s a little bit older than me.” Letting go of Claire's hand he shifted on the couch, checking to make sure his towel was secure. 

“So like, how old are you exactly?” Curiosity was eating at her.

“Me? Huh, I believe my Death Age is 33.” No sense in not telling his girlfriend how old he was when he died, he could un-live with that.

“You’re only 33? Like wow, I’m 27! Go figure like, we're not that far apart.”

“Yes… but you only died last year and I died… well, golly-gee-willikers all the way back in the 1300s.” Donny frowned actually thinking about the numbers.  

“That’s like, Totally Fab _…_ ”

“Ha-ha… I don’t know how fabulous that actually is. Sometimes I’m afraid that my age – it might turn you away.” A solemn frown adorned his face. 

“ _Please._ I think dating like, an “older man” makes me like, distinguished.” Claire perked up and even winked at him.

“You really are something else, Miss Claire.” He gave her a bitter smile. "But, I can't say I'm happy you came to the Neitherworld."

"Oh like..." She looked hurt.

"Ah- I meant, um, your so young! Dead at 27 wasn't uncommon in my time but surely things have improved?"

"Ha, yeah, I guess like, medicine & stuff has improved, but people still do stupid stuff." Claire sagged against the plastic covered couch. 

"I... don't quite understand." He stared at her trying to figure out what she'd been getting at.

"Stupid stuff, you know like, dying in an Out of Order sauna!" She jumped up off the couch, the sound of her spectral skin peeling off of the plastic making them both wince. She paced back & forth in front of him. "I can't believe like, how DUMB I was." She began. "Like, who misses a sign like that..."

"Miss Claire?"

Claire stopped pacing to look at him. Tears wear forming at the corner of her eyes as she looked down her nose. She sniffed but didn't say anything.

"Claire..." Donny blushed, but he figured dropping the title would help her focus on his words. It worked as Claire's glare softened. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" As soon as the words left his mouth a look of relief washed over her.

"Nobody wanted to like, ask. So I thought that your idiot brother-"

"Miss Claire."

"Eh like, _Beetlejuice_ would ask because like, lets face it - he has no filter - and I'd be able to just... blow up, but even he hasn't asked and... I just like, I need someone to talk to so ...I thought of you and like, here I am and..." Hugging herself Claire felt like melting into the rug and thought if she concentrated hard enough she might manage it with her Heat.

"I must say I'm flattered." Donny gave her a soft smile. "It's a common courtesy that most ghosts avoid asking how another might've died."

"I like, figured that but even Lydia never brought it up."

"Hmm, yes... I imagine it's an even touchier subject for the living." He stated. "Most ghosts don't even realize they've died, but the living do and they mourn accordingly."

**Author's Note:**

> It's short, sorry.
> 
> https://www.deviantart.com/mushi6618/art/Kiss-On-The-Neck-801967701?ga_submit_new=10%3A1560708057&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1


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